


Red Roses, Plastic Flowers, Wilted Leaves

by Jaro (ARealSlimScotty)



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Art School, Alternate Universe - Artists, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Anxiety Disorder, Emotional Manipulation, Flashbacks, Flowers, Fluff and Angst, Hi jeremy is an emotional trainwreck, Human!Squip - Freeform, Jeremy has anxiety, M/M, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Repressed Memories, Sean is a piece of shit, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Well first of all squips name is gonna be sean so jot that down, also jeremy lives in his car, artist!michael, florist!Jeremy, jeremy has what the kids call 'ptsd', sorry I didn't make the rules
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-01-26 00:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12544628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARealSlimScotty/pseuds/Jaro
Summary: "Flowers. That was Jeremy’s thing. Jeremy was flowers. He was petals and leaves, he was roots and stems. His feet stood on soil and his head was in the clouds. Some would say he was beautiful. Jeremy was willing to say he was wilting. Some thought he was a red rose, whereas Jeremy saw himself as a black rose. A shriveled up and dying black rose. A dying feeling."





	1. Fallen Petals

Flowers. That was Jeremy’s thing. Jeremy was flowers. He was petals and leaves, he was roots and stems. His feet stood on soil and his head was in the clouds. Some would say he was beautiful. Jeremy was willing to say he was wilting. Some thought he was a red rose, whereas Jeremy saw himself as a black rose. A shriveled up and dying black rose. A dying feeling.

He was awful, terrible, the worst thing ever. His smile was crooked and ugly, his face was scarred and freckled, his hair was greasy and tangled, his body was thin and scrawny, his clothes too big and baggy. Jeremy hated himself. He made himself want to die. 

Despite these feelings, he carried on.

He hated himself, but he loved flowers. 

Yellow light flitted through the curtains of the windows, casting thin but warm rays onto the flowers and counter in the shop. Jeremy sat in a stool with his legs crossed. His hair was tied back into a messy and small pony tail, his cardigan sleeves were pushed up to his elbows. He was absentmindedly arranging flowers. The shop wasn’t his but the owners were always out. He basically lived here. It sure as hell beat his car.

Lavender, Lilacs, Lilies.

He moved them around in his hands, pruning thoughts from his head. He didn’t want to think. He wanted flowers to bloom in his head instead. He wanted a head full of things he loved. 

His thoughts were erratic and chaotic, dead leaves blowing in the wind. They came and went fast and danced about spastically. Flashes of names, faces, memories, thoughts. It hurt. He never really loved you, you shouldn’t have dropped out, mom hates you, you should get a real job. He hated it. Flowers drowned them out.

Arranging petals made his mind a garden. Flowers grew and grew, filling every inch of space they could find. Emptying and filling. Silencing and renewing. It made his mind filled to the brim with something better.

Cypress and Marigold.

Jeremy spun the stem in the palm of his hand, playing around with placement. Here? Or there? Left? Or Right? He tucked it into a place. There. It fit well between the folds of the other flowers. He was about to add another when he heard the door open, a familiar bell causing him to snap his head up.

“W-Welcome” He stuttered out, wincing at the sound of his own voice. He hated it. He picked up a flower and twirled in his hand, wanting the hate to go away.

The customer, whoever they were, gave a simple nod and walked around the store quietly. Their hood was up and their headphones on. Jeremy flicked his gaze up and looked at them from time to time, but mostly focused on the flower in his hand. He was too anxious to work on his bouquet now. He didn’t want to mess up and have somebody see him. He had to act like he wasn’t wilting, like he wasn’t a weed.

After some time, the customer walked up to the counter and pulled their hood and headphones down, letting them rest on his shoulders. Faint music played. They had dark brown hair and glasses with thick frames. Brown eyes, a red hoodie, tan skin, a small smile. 

Jeremy felt his face heat up as he looked down at the counter, avoiding eye contact with the other. “Is there.. I-Is there something I-I can help you with, sir..?” He asked, voice shaking a bit. His stammer was annoying. He twisted the flower. He didn’t want to think about that. 

“Yeah, I was wondering if you had loose petals? Like, extras that fell to the floor or something. I know that sounds weird but I need them for a painting” They asked, hands in their pockets.

Jeremy blinked, glancing up at them for a moment. Confused. He didn’t really get why the other would want fallen petals. Fallen petals were trashed and useless, discarded to the side and meant to be forgotten. Like him. Nobody should want Fallen petals. Nobody should want Jeremy. He spun the flower around in his hand once more, looking back down at the counter. Now wasn’t the time for thoughts.

“Y-Yeah, uh.. I could sweep some up for you, r-right now? They’d be free, w-we need to get rid of them anyway, do you want me to just like.. p-put them in a bag or something..?” Jeremy nodded slightly as he spoke. When he saw the other nod, he walked over to where they stored the broom and started to sweep a small pile of petals.

Snowdrops, yellow tulips, flax and hemp.

Their petals had been stepped on and crushed, and laid on the floor. He swept them into a pile. It was strange, that somebody wanted them, but oddly nice. Nobody should want them but somebody did. Jeremy shoved the pile into a bag and handed them to the customer.

“Here..” he said quietly, stepping away and putting the broom back where it was beforehand. Still avoiding eye contact, he walked back to the counter. 

The customer grinned, pushing their glasses up. “Thank you, these are exactly what I was looking for” they smiled, holding onto the bag, “My name is Michael by the way, I’ll probably be back to get more petals” 

Jeremy looked up at him, making eye contact for a moment. “M-My name is Jeremy” he mumbled, pushing some hair out of his face and looking back down. He didn’t like looking people in the eyes. It made him feel vulnerable, like he was on display, like he was a bouquet being judged by a customer. He hated it. But people had told him it was important. So he tried his best to at least make it when saying important things. He wanted to be liked, and he wanted to listen. It didn’t matter what he hated.

Michael waved slightly, “Thanks again, have a good day Jeremy. It was nice to meet you!” He turned away and started to walk out the door, pulling his hood and headphones back on. 

Jeremy let out a relieved sigh and leaned onto the counter. He was glad Michael left. Now that he was alone he didn’t have to worry about what he could do wrong. Before his mind could even start flooding with thoughts of what he messed up, what he should have said, or what Michael thought of him, he squeezed the flower in his hand. He crushed a leaf between his fingers and snapped the stem with his nails, watching as half of the flower fell off and flew to the floor. He turned the remaining half around in his hand again and again, blooming away the bad thoughts.

The yellow light faded and cooled down, eventually stopping and stepping aside for darkness. It was late. It was night. The shop was closed, but Jeremy was still inside, a lamp turned on as he continued to work on a bouquet. Not the same one from earlier. This was his fifth one of the day. He rarely took breaks, he rarely stopped. All he wanted to do was make bouquets. 

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It was too late to stay at the shop. As much as he wanted to stay there, he needed sleep and his exhaustion was creeping up on him fast. Tiredness grew, wrapping around him like vines. He stood up and stretched slightly. He untied his hair and pulled his cardigan sleeves down, yawning. He plucked a flower out of his current bouquet and held it in his hand as he closed up the shop. 

Colchicum.

Jeremy pulled his cardigan around him tightly, rolling the flower back and forth between his fingers as he walked. Just a few blocks. He only had to walk a few blocks. Luckily, there weren’t many people out walking tonight. Very few people walked along the sidewalk at night on a tuesday. 

Eventually, he reached his home. A four story parking garage. He gave an awkward nod to the lady at the booth, frowning when she refused to return it. She must have hated him. He turned the flower in his hand. He made his way up to the third floor, then to the seventeenth space, and unlocked his car. He threw the Colchicum onto the floor and crawled into the backseat. He yawned again as he laid down in the seat, pulling a floral print blanket onto himself and rolling over a few times to get comfy. Car seats weren’t comfy. Jeremy made do. He shut his eyes and let sleep wrap around him further, growing inside of him until he drifted off.


	2. Wilted Bouquets

Jeremy woke up in a cold sweat, his greasy curls sticking to his forehead as his breath comes in quick and shallow. He didn’t know why. He can’t remember his dream. Dreams were something he rarely remembered. Not even blurred faces or snippets of conversations. Just a leftover feeling, something akin to dying.

He sat up and ran his hands through his hair a couple dozen times, glancing in the rearview mirror and frowning once he caught sight of his reflection. He was never a fan of what he looked like. At some point he might have had a shred of confidence in his looks, but not anymore. Now when he looked at himself all he could think of was everything that looked wrong about him. 

Jeremy wondered what he dreamed about. Whatever it was, it had to have been bad. He couldn’t shake this awful feeling and he was having trouble controlling his breathing. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to remember his dream, though. This was the worst he’d felt after waking up in a while. He reached over to the floor and picked up one of the discarded flowers. 

Adonis.

The floor of his car was covered in old flowers. Jeremy knew he should sweep them up and throw them away, but he didn’t bother. Besides, they gave the car a more comforting atmosphere. It made it feel more like the shop. He liked the shop. 

He moved the flower around in his hand a few times, plucking off a few petals and watching them fall to the floor. He blinked and bounced his leg up and down. Shaking away feelings was hard. Especially when you can’t remember why you’re feeling them.

Jeremy dropped the flower and gave up. He’d just start today off bad, he needed to be at the shop soon, he didn’t have the time to calm down. He felt slightly better anyway. His breathing calmed down. Even if he was still shaking slightly, and he had a general feeling of unease, he could carry on like this. 

He peeled his shirt off and leaned over to the front of his car. The passenger’s seat served as a makeshift dresser. A few shirts and pants were haphazardly piled onto it, along with a coat for when it got colder and some boxers and socks. He grabbed one of the shirts. It was plain white, nothing special. 

He pulled the new shirt on, figuring that his jeans and boxers were clean enough to last another day. He grabbed a hair band from the floor and tied his hair up again before pulling on his usual cardigan and slipping his shoes on. There. All ready for the day. 

Jeremy crawled out of the car and stretched a bit, wincing when he heard a few pops and cracks. He groaned. Sleeping in a car tended to do that to you. He sighed as he started his walk to the flower shop.  
It was cold. Not terribly so, but cold enough that his cardigan didn’t feel like enough. It didn’t help that he was super thin. The wind cut through him like shears and he shivered slightly. 

Walking to the shop in the morning was something he hated. A lot of people walked in the morning, and he could feel them all staring at him. Why wouldn’t they stare? Jeremy was a unpicked weed in a well-kept garden. Far too out of place. Everybody was staring at him and judging him. He tried his best to walk fast but not so fast that people would wonder why he was walking so fast. He wished he brought a flower with him, he needed to clear his head.

Letting out a deep and shaky breath, he unlocked the door to the shop and walked inside. Finally. He felt significantly safer already. He glanced around at all the flowers and smiled to himself. This place was more of a home than his car. 

Jeremy flicked the lights on and grabbed the broom, starting to sweep up any petals that had fallen last night. Even of his anxiousness hadn’t settled yet, he was already starting to feel better. The shop made him feel better. 

Then the bell for the door rang. Jeremy squinted at the floor from where he stood, instinctively backing away from the sound and whoever opened it. He hated that bell. Briefly, he thought about changing it, but the owners would have his head for that. He shook his head and gripped the broom. Looking up he started to stutter out a welcome but was quickly cut off.

“Hey Jeremy! I didn’t have class today, so I figured I’d come by early.” A familiar voice said, smiling. Michael. Jeremy looked back down at the floor. Why was Michael here again? It couldn’t be to see Jeremy, no. Jeremy started quickly thinking of another reason. Petals. Oh yeah.

“H-Hey, Michael, uh... I was j-just sweeping up the petals? I-If you still want them?” Jeremy mumbled, still sweeping but slower and with shaky hands. 

Michael chuckled, “Actually, I had this idea last night, do you have any wilted bouquets?” he asked, eyes flickering across the room and looking at all the different petals. It was almost like he was avoiding looking at Jeremy. Jeremy understood. He also avoided looking at himself. It didn’t even occur to him that maybe Michael understood that he didn’t like others looking at him. 

“No uh..” Jeremy started, shaking his head slightly and frowning. He hoped Michael wouldn’t be mad about it. “We t-throw those out.. when they w-wilt… If you want I-I could like, text you? W-When they wilt?” he shrugged slightly.

“That sounds great, let me get you my number.” Michael grinned, pulling a marker out of his pocket. “Can I see your arm? I don’t have any paper.”

Jeremy nodded, biting his lip and handing his arm to Michael. He felt his face get hot as the other grabbed onto his arm and started to write on it. God, just how touch starved was he? Part of him wanted to pull his arm away and run to the back of the shop, but part of him wanted Michael to never let go of his arm. Then it occurred to Jeremy that he was getting a guys number. He blushed even more. How in the world did he manage to do that? 

“There!” Michael smiled as he let go of Jeremy’s arm and shoved the marker back into his pocket, “Just shoot me a text whenever a bouquet wilts, or just... text me whenever?” Jeremy was still staring at the floor, so he missed the way Michael’s face was tinted red as well.

Jeremy just nodded wordlessly, continuing to sweep and trying not to look at Michael anymore. He didn’t like the way his heart sped up when he looked at the other. It felt bad. Reminded him of bad times. 

After a bit of sweeping, Jeremy was becoming increasingly aware of the fact that Michael was still there. “A-Aren’t you going to leave..?” he asked softly, uncertain, hoping he didn’t come off as weird.

Michael just shrugged, “I mean if you want me too I can, but I’ve got nothing better to do and this place seems pretty chill? I might just hang around here if that’s okay.”

Jeremy frowned. He tried to ignore the way the word ‘chill’ made his anxiety spike for a bit and tried to shake away whatever the hell it was that Michael made him feel. Jeremy nodded and gripped onto the broom tighter. “I-It’s fine... You c-can stay…” he mumbled. He wanted Michael to leave, but he always had trouble with saying no. At least Michael seemed nice. 

Jeremy continued to sweep, avoiding Michael as he moved around the store. “Do you uh.. d-do you want the petals…?” He asked, “If not I-I’m gonna throw them away..”

“Yeah, I’ll take them.” Michael nodded. Jeremy nodded in response, bagging up the petals.

“W-What are you even using these for..? If y-you don’t mind me asking..” Jeremy looked up at Michael from where he stood. He couldn’t help but ask. It made him curious. People didn’t ask for the wilted flowers and bouquets. There was a reason they threw them away.

“Oh well, I’m an art student, and I’m doing this series of paintings? It’s kind of hard to explain, but the general theme is like… Anything can be beautiful, and everything is worthy of love? It’s pretty cliche, but yeah. I got inspired by wilted flowers. So here I am, picking up wilted flowers.” Michael explained, smiling to himself as he spoke.

Jeremy nodded along. “That makes sense... I-I never found the wilted ones pretty, just s-sad, but… It’s nice to know somebody likes them?” He shrugged slightly, face still dusted with blush. It was a comforting idea. But it only worked in concept. Maybe people did like wilted flowers, but people didn’t like wilted people. 

The two shared a smile, Michael’s was wide and dorky, Jeremy’s was small and shaky. Then Jeremy looked back down at the floor. Maybe Michael being around wasn’t too bad. Jeremy still had anxiety growing in his gut, along with something else, but it was fine. He was in his safe haven and Michael being there was okay. 

Jeremy didn’t think most people being there was okay. But for some reason Michael was different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too sure how I feel about this chapter, then again I'm not too sure how I feel about any of my writing. Comments mean the world to me and kudos make my day, so you should really comment!! my tumblr is @awkwardsprinkles so hmu if you want! Expect a bit of a time skip in the next chapter or some shit


	3. Budding Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy doesn't like restaurants

Over the next few weeks, Jeremy learned a lot about Michael and had even grown to be comfortable around the other. Flowers and Michael. That’s what he had now. He didn’t feel all too anxious around the other anymore. He learned that Michael’s favorite paint was acrylic, that he liked Bob Marley, that his favorite color was red, that he was gay, that he was a bit of a dreamer, and that he was unapologetically himself. Jeremy was a bit jealous of that last fact. It wasn’t like Jeremy pretended to be something he wasn’t or anything. No, Jeremy was himself. He was just apologetically himself. 

Jeremy had also let Michael learn a few things about him. He told the other that he was a college drop out, that he had really bad anxiety, that his favorite flowers were forget-me-nots, that he was bi, that he enjoyed classical music, and that he liked the color blue. Michael had probably picked up on a lot of other things too. It was hard to be around Jeremy without noticing his stutter and all his little nervous ticks. But Michael didn’t seem to mind them.

That’s a fact that surprised Jeremy. He was still waiting for the day Michael would stop showing up to the shop. For the day he’d realize that Jeremy was a mess, the kind of mess that he didn’t need in his life. But that day hadn’t come yet. Michael still made a daily appearance. 

Jeremy was in the corner of the shop. His hair was down for once, it wasn’t long but it brushed the top of his shoulders from time to time. He liked to keep it tied back in a tiny ponytail most of the time because he thought it was annoying. He’d have to get a haircut soon. But it was down today. His bangs were clipped back with plastic, bug shaped hair clips. He was watering flowers when he heard the bell. He looked up.

“M-Michael,” he smiled, setting his watering can down and giving his full attention to the other. That was another thing he started doing lately. Normally when he talked to other people, he liked to distract himself by doing other things. It made talking easier. It made him less anxious. But he didn’t need to do that around Michael. It was weird, he thought, how quickly he became comfortable around Michael. He shook his head. He didn’t need to think about that right now. 

Michael grinned, waving at Jeremy and sliding his headphones off. “Hey Jeremy,” he hummed, walking up to the other, “What’re you doing?” he adjusted his glasses and looked at the flowers for a second, before looking back at Jeremy.

Jeremy gestured to the watering can, his hand shaking slightly. “I was j-just watering t-the uh.. the f-flowers,” he shrugged a bit before putting his hand back at his side and picking at the hem of his cardigan, “I was about to g-go on my lunch break, though.”

Michael nodded and looked away. He bit his lip before speaking up, “Well, I was gonna eat before I came here, but I forgot. Why don’t we go get lunch together?” his voice was a bit softer than normal, and Jeremy was looking away so he missed the light blush that dusted the other’s face. “I’ll pay.”

Jeremy was about to say no, until he heard Michael offer to pay. He nodded eagerly as soon as he heard that. His lunch plans were usually limited to cup ramen heated up in the back of the shop. In fact, that’s what most of his meals were limited to. He usually washed his hair in the sink back there too. Actually, a lot of things he did were limited to the back of the shop. “Yeah, Michael, t-that sounds good,” he mumbled.

“Great! Let’s go now then,” Michael chuckled, gesturing to the door. Jeremy gulped but nodded. As they walked out of the shop he hung the ‘on break’ sign up in the window.

Jeremy trailed behind Michael as they walked to some restaurant that was nearby. Internally, he was freaking out, but he hoped he looked calm. Michael wasn’t commenting so that was a good sign. He did his best to ignore the budding feeling of anxiety, though. He was being offered free food, after all. Jeremy would do a lot of things for free food. 

Michael held the door open for Jeremy as they walked in and he got a table for them too. Jeremy was on edge, but he didn’t feel like he was going to fall off. Michael was there. Jeremy felt comfortable around Michael. It was like Michael was tugging on his shirt and keeping him from toppling off. 

Jeremy shot Michael a shaky smiled as he sat down and looked over the menu. He was hungry, but he didn’t look for food he wanted. He scanned the prices and looked for food that was cheap.

“Order whatever you want, Jeremy,” Michael hummed, looking over his own menu. Eyes cast downwards, sleeves pushed up. A light smile tugged at the corners of his lips. His glasses were slipping and he moved to push them up. Jeremy blinked, looking back down at his menu after realizing he was staring. 

Jeremy didn’t know what he wanted. He was hungry, yes, but everything was too expensive and he wasn’t really sure what anything was. He didn’t want to make the wrong choice. What if he picked the wrong thing? What if he didn’t like it and he just wasted Michael’s money? He bit his lip. He didn’t like restaurants. Part of him wished he was in the back of the flower shop, eating cup ramen. That was less anxiety-inducing than this. 

While he was trying to figure out what he wanted to eat, the waiter came over. Jeremy looked up from his menu with wide eyes and gulped again. He still didn’t know what he wanted. Michael ordered his food easily, without a single stutter or hesitation. The waiter turned to Jeremy and he started to panic. 

He didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t know what he wanted. He felt like there were vines growing in his throat and wrapping around his neck. Like there were weeds blooming in his lungs. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t talk, he couldn’t--

He felt Michael’s hand brush against his shoulder and he glanced at the other. For a brief moment, they made eye contact. In any other situation, this would have made Jeremy look away and want to die. Jeremy hated eye contact. But right here? Right now? It was oddly comforting. Something about it just brought Jeremy back to earth and cleared his throat out. He looked up at the waiter and managed to stammer out a simple “I-I.. I’ll... I’ll h-have what h-he’s having..” 

The waiter nodded and left, and Jeremy looked down at the table. Michael’s hand didn’t leave his shoulder. “Are you okay, Jeremy?” he asked, his voice hushed and soft. Jeremy gave a slight nod and took a deep breath.

“Yeah I-I.. I.. I..” He shut his eyes and leaned against Michael’s hand a bit. He relaxed, just letting himself breath. He thought about flowers. He imagined making a bouquet. Pictured being in the shop with Michael, roses and tulips in his hands, listening to Beethoven with his hair tied back. He let out a soft sigh and opened his eyes again. “Yeah, I’m fine. I-I just, I’m really bad with like..” he made a vague hand gesture, “r-restaurants..” 

Michael frowned, before smiling a bit, “Say something next time you goof, let’s just get our food in to go boxes and eat it at the shop,” he shrugged a bit, still not moving his hand, “Does that sound good to you?” 

Jeremy nodded and smiled back. His smile was shaky, but it was definitely genuine. Nobody had ever been so thoughtful about his anxiety. Other people would just tell him to get over himself, or tell him to calm down, or force him to sit there and pretend he wasn’t dying inside. But Michael didn’t do that and the gesture meant a lot to Jeremy.

Instead of doing that, Michael went up to the waiter and requested that their food be put into to go boxes. He paid as soon as the food was at the table. He carried Jeremy’s box for him as they walked to the shop. 

The whole thing made Jeremy feel warm and fuzzy. There were roses growing inside of him. A whole garden of roses, with butterflies swarming around them and yellow sun lighting them up. 

The two sat on the floor, grinning and giggling as they ate their lunch. It was good. Much better than cup ramen. “T-Thank you, Michael” Jeremy hummed, looking at the other. 

Michael just laughed, “It’s no problem, Jeremy.”

Jeremy leaned forward slightly, still smiling. “No, s-seriously. Thank you, Michael. This might be one of the n-nicest things anyone’s ever done for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I like this chapter a lot!!! As always, comments an kudos make my day, leave me a comment and I'll owe you my life!! My tumblr is @akwardsprinkles to hmu there if you want uhhh,, yea


	4. Watering cans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy cries in this chapter, I guess?

_ It was dark. Jeremy was laying on the floor. The floor was cold. Too cold, he thought, carpet wasn’t usually so cold. He pushed himself up and looked around. He couldn’t see anything. It was too dark to see anything. _

_ He heard footsteps. They echoed around him, growing closer and closer and closer. Jeremy tried to call out but his voice didn’t seem to work. As the noise closed in on him all he could manage was a pathetic squeak.  _

_ Suddenly there was something on his neck. He snapped his head up and tried to get a good look. The footsteps had stopped. Whoever or whatever it was, was in front of him now but he couldn’t make them out. All he could see was a figure hovering over him.  _

_ Jeremy winced, trying to back away from the figure. The grip on his neck got tighter and tighter. What was it? A rope? Hands? A collar. Jeremy shut his eyes and struggled to breath, his eyes flying open once he was roughly shoved back onto the floor. He tried to call out or cry out or something but he couldn’t form words, just quiet sobs and sniffles.  _

_ He couldn’t even see who was doing this to him. It was too dark. Everything that surrounded him was dark. There was nothing but inky blackness for miles, Jeremy could barely even see his own hands. _

_ Then, without warning, it was far too bright. He tensed up as his body jolted against his will. Burning, aching, prickling, stabbing, strangling, something-- _

_ Electricity ran through him and finally, he managed to make a sound. He screamed in pain as he continued to spasm against the floor, shocks and sparks coming from his neck and flowing through his body against his will. _

_ Jeremy let out a hoarse breath, and it was dark again. He stayed down on the ground. He was too tired to get up. He was in too much pain to get up. The grip was still on his neck. Tight. Tighter than before. He shut his eyes, not bothering to struggle against the feeling or put up a fight. He felt a hand run through his hair and he leaned into the touch instinctively, despite wanting to back away. _

_ “Good boy, Jer,” a voice hummed. _

Another morning, another cold sweat. Jeremy panted and pressed a hand to his neck as he jolted awake. He nearly hit his head on the roof of his car. He couldn’t tell what he was feeling. He couldn’t put his finger on it. It was a seed that was sprouting but he couldn’t remember planting or watering. He felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. He was shaking.

A dream. Another dream. That wasn’t out of the ordinary. He’d wake up in a cold sweat most mornings because of dreams. This wasn’t weird because it was a dream. No, it was weird because he remembered the dream. That never happened. 

Jeremy didn’t even realize it, but he had started to cry. He wiped at his eyes and hunched over in his backseat. In the back of his mind, he knew why he was crying and what the dream was about, but he ignored it. He didn’t want to think about it.

He curled up into a ball, reaching down and grabbing a handful of petals from the floor of his car. They were wilted, shriveled. They didn’t have sun or water. Jeremy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Wilted petals. Michael would like these. 

As he was trying to calm down, he pulled out his phone and opened up his contacts. There were three. His dad, Sean, Michael. He opened up his conversations with Michael and scrolled through them. 

Jeremy smiled softly. His conversation with Michael never lasted too long. They were mostly short lived conversations about how another bouquet wilted or how the weather was pretty nice today. There were also a few longer conversations. Michael would ramble on about documentaries he watched from time to time. 

Once he had calmed down enough and stopped shaking, Jeremy typed out a text to Michael. ‘Hey Michael, are you coming to the shop today?’ he hit send. He wasn’t too sure if Michael would even answer. It was pretty early.

Jeremy was pretty surprised when he got a text back. The sound of his phone buzzing made him jump but he looked down at the text. ‘Yeah, I come by every day Jer’ He frowned at the nickname, shuddering slightly. It made his anxiety spike. Jeremy ignored that feeling. He didn’t want to think about that right now now. He just wanted to think about Michael.

‘I mean like.. Are you coming this morning? Sorry, I’m not too sure why I even asked’ Jeremy felt a little bad about bothering Michael, and even worse about asking such a redundant question. Of course Michael was coming to the shop. He always came to the shop. 

His phone buzzed again, and he read the text. ‘Nah, I have a class pretty early this morning. Why?’ Jeremy frowned and felt himself start to tear up again. Of course Michael was busy. 

Jeremy typed out a reply. He shouldn’t have bothered Michael. ‘I was just wondering, I don’t know, I’m sorry for bothering you have fun at class, idk sorry, just wanted to know I guess’ he felt terrible for bothering the other. He shouldn’t have texted Michael. He should have just calmed down and went to the shop. 

He was about to put his phone back in his pocket when he got a reply. ‘I’m heading to the shop, I’ll skip class.’ Jeremy swallowed. He felt so guilty. He was basically forcing Michael to help him. He felt awful about it. 

Still, he sighed and tried his best to calm back down and ignore the guilt he was feeling. He pulled his hair back and shrugged on a new shirt, wiping at his eyes. Jeremy pressed a hand against his window. Cold. It was cold outside. He pulled on his cardigan and pulled his coat on top of that before crawling out of his car.

Jeremy shivered slightly as he felt the air hit his face. His eyes were still wet with tears. He bit his lip and started to walk to the shop, hugging his arms around himself and furrowing his brows. He didn’t want to cry. He wasn’t about to cry in the middle of the street. People were already staring at him, he didn’t need to give them another reason to. 

He sighed when he finally got to the flower shop, unlocking the door and quickly shutting it behind him. He flicked the lights on and sat down in his stool. As he slumped against the counter, he was still trying his best not to cry. He couldn’t shake this feeling and he wasn’t even sure what it was. It felt familiar. Maybe he knew what it was. But Jeremy liked to ignore his feelings. They were unkempt and unruly, growing out of control but kept in a small box he liked to sweep under the rug. Feelings were too hard. Jeremy didn’t like them.

His breath caught in his throat and he nearly fell out of his chair when he heard the bell. He looked up in time to see the door swing open and watch Michael walk in. He looked tired. He wasn’t smiling. His jacket was unzipped and his hair a mess, like he had hurried to get here. Jeremy tried his best to ignore the guilt. To push it down, far away, he didn’t want to feel it at all.

“Jeremy, what’s wrong? Why did you text me? Do you need anything?” Michael asked, his voice soft as he walked up to the counter. Jeremy looked up at him and shook his head, biting his lip.

“N-No, nothing’s wrong, I-I was j-just--” He stammered, before starting to tear up again. He wasn’t a very good liar. Michael hesitated before pulling Jeremy into a hug from across the counter. He gently rubbed Jeremy’s back with his hand.

“Jeremy, you don’t have to lie to me. You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong either.” Michael started, keeping the same hushed soft voice as earlier, “Go ahead and cry. It’s okay to cry, Jeremy. Don’t feel bad about it. You’re allowed to have feelings.”

That broke something in Jeremy. Tears started flowing freely, like he was a watering can or a rainstorm. He hugged Michael back, leaning into his shoulder to muffle his cries. He hadn’t actually cried like this in a long time. Everytime he felt the need to he ignored it. He ignored all his feelings for ages now. 

All the things he had been ignoring, all the seeds that were planted came sprouting out. They bloomed and blossomed. They were new spring flowers, brought to life by warmth and rain water. Jeremy wasn’t used to it. He could barely sense anything other than himself and whatever the hell he was feeling. 

He could vaguely make out Michael’s voice, whispering in his ear, telling him to breath and calm down. Telling him it was okay to feel things. Telling him he was going to be okay. 

Jeremy was hyperventilating, but tried his best to follow Michael’s voice. He took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. He repeated it over and over until he felt calm. Or, calmer than he was before. He pulled away, wiping at his eyes and looking down at the counter. Michael continued to rub his back soothingly, parting away clouds with sunshine.

“Are you feeling a bit better now that you’ve let it all out?” Michael asked. Jeremy nodded wordlessly, not trusting his voice right now. 

Michael smiled warmly, “How about we both ditch work and school today? Wanna come over to my place and have tea? We can talk about it, if you want, but we don’t have to. Let’s just take a day to calm down and shit.” 

Jeremy nodded again, looking up at Michael and giving him a small smile. “Y-Yeah sounds g-good..” he whispered, his voice shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I like this chapter? The writing is a tad different than the previous chapters, but this chapter needed more dialogue I guess? Uh yeah. Comments and kudos make my day!!! Give me love please, I crave validation!! My tumblr is @awkwardsprinkles so hmu


	5. Growing Roots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter yet, mostly because I'm a slut for domestic fluff

Michael’s apartment was small. There were only three rooms. His bedroom, the bathroom, and a living room/kitchen area. It was nice though, Jeremy thought, much nicer than a cramped car. It seemed like a home. Michael had covered the walls in posters and paintings. There were clothes and trash scattered on the floor, along with loose art supplies. There were quite a few canvases that were still being worked on. Unfinished paintings of flowers and bouquets. The ones Jeremy had given him.

From where Jeremy sat on the couch, he could see that Michael’s table was covered in piles of petals. It was a bit satisfying, actually. Seeing where Michael put the petals was nice. Being in Michael’s apartment was nice. Jeremy was surrounded by things he liked. It was calming.

He relaxed against the couch, still looking around the place absentmindedly as he waited for Michael, who was making them both tea. Jeremy had calmed down quite a bit. Sure, he didn’t feel fine or completely calm, but being in Michael’s apartment made him feel better. He was a little less on edge.

Holding two mugs, Michael walked in and sat next to Jeremy. He smiled slightly as he handed the other a mug of tea. Blue. The mug he handed Jeremy was blue. Jeremy hummed, smiling a bit at that. Michael had remembered his favorite color. It was another one of those small gestures that meant the world to Jeremy.

“Careful, it’s hot,” Michael warned, blowing onto his own mug. Jeremy watched as the steam drifted out of the cup and into the air. He nodded and looked down at the tea in his mug. The atmosphere felt comforting and familiar. It felt like it was a normal thing, like he and Michael would hang out all the time and like they drank tea together all the time. 

Jeremy took a sip of his tea, wincing slightly but not spitting it out. Michael was right. It was hot. Really hot. Jeremy’s tongue burned and he made a slight pained noise, before breaking off into a chuckle.

“I should have l-listened to y-you,” he mumbled, smiling softly and looking over at Michael. Michael laughed a bit, still blowing on his tea. He was a lot more careful than Jeremy. He thought things through more. He wasn’t the type to let his tongue get burned.

“Well, I guess you learned the hard way,” Michael grinned, before deciding his tea was cool enough and taking a drink of it. He pushed his glasses up. The lenses had fogged up slightly from the steam. 

The two slipped into comfortable silence for a bit. Eventually, Jeremy’s tea cooled off and he could drink it without burning himself. It was Earl Grey tea. Jeremy wasn’t a big fan of Earl Grey, but that was mostly because he couldn’t make it right. It always turned out bitter and gross when he made it. But this cup wasn’t bitter or gross. Michael had put sugar and honey in it, and he didn’t let it steep for too long. Michael knew what he was doing. It was perfect. Jeremy liked it a lot. 

He had drinken about half of his mug, when he glanced over at Michael. Michael was already looking at him. Jeremy blinked and looked away, before Michael cleared his throat and shifted a bit. “So.. Jeremy, do you wanna tell me why you were so upset this morning?” he asked, still looking at Jeremy, “You don’t have to, I’m just a bit worried, I guess.”

Jeremy bit his lip, tensing up at the question. He knew Michael was going to ask that. He frowned and glanced and Michael again. “I-I had a nightmare..” he answered, deciding to keep it simple. Michael raised a brow and opened his mouth to respond, but Jeremy cut him off. “I’m s-sorry, I know that sounds really s-stupid, I shouldn’t have b-bothered you-” 

Michael frowned, putting a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. Jeremy stopped talking and leaned into the touch. Touch was a good way to make Jeremy shut up. He was pretty touch starved. “There’s no such thing as a stupid reason to be upset. If it’s making you upset, then it’s not stupid,” Michael assured. Jeremy sighed but nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jeremy shrugged awkwardly. He wasn’t sure what to say or how to respond. He didn’t even know if he wanted to talk about it or not. He took a shaky breath, swallowing and looking at Michael helplessly for a second. He couldn’t seem to talk right now. His words seemed to catch in his throat. “I-I’m not even s-sure if I can,” he managed, his voice just above a whisper. He mentally cursed himself for being so pathetic. He could barely even talk. 

Michael frowned even more at that, his face getting more and more concerned by the minute. It made Jeremy want to shrink away and hide. This was one of the reasons he hated talking about feelings. He didn’t like making others feel bad. He felt bad for making Michael feel bad. “What do you mean by that…?” Michael asked softly, “You can write it out if you need to.”

Jeremy shook his head. He hated how much of struggle this was for him. He didn’t want to seem hopeless. He could talk. He wasn’t that pathetic. He wasn’t that fucked up. He could talk on his own. Sure, writing it down would be a lot easier, but Jeremy wasn’t about to do that. He didn’t want to do that. He gulped and spent a good few minutes just trying to form words. 

Once he managed to speak it all came out in a jumbled rambly mess, “...I d-don’t remember most of it. I m-mean like, I-I remember this n-nightmare, but I have t-them every night and I never r-remember them. I-I barely remember what they’re even a-about or w-why I have t-them. I like.. I-I know what they’re about and w-why I have them, but t-the actual memories are all a b-blur and I t-try not to remember it. I-I try to f-forget it all. I don’t like to t-think about why I-I have them..”

His voice was still a little quiet and hushed, a little shaky and scared. Jeremy didn’t talk about this much. He didn’t even know if that made sense. He hoped it made sense. Looking away from Michael, he started to tear up. This was hard for him. It made him have to think about things he didn’t want to think about.

Michael looked infinitely more concerned now. He decided to back off and stop pressing for more. He used his free hand to run a hand through his hair before pulling Jeremy into a tight hug. Jeremy’s breath caught in his throat but he hugged back, sniffling. “I’m not going to make you talk about it. Just know that I’m always here for you, and if you ever want to talk or need a shoulder to cry on I’m here. I can come by whenever you need me, no matter what time it is.”

Jeremy teared up even more, wanting to object. He didn’t want to bother Michael like that. He was needy. He’d need Michael a lot. He’d be such a burden. He was terrible. “Y-You have classes, t-though..” he mumbled, hoping it would keep Michael away. He was scared of letting him get close.

“I’ll skip them,” Michael said simply, shaking his head a bit and pulling Jeremy closer. Jeremy furrowed his brows, blinking back tears. Why did Michael have to care about him so much? Why couldn’t he be like everybody else?

“You d-don’t have to do that for me,” Jeremy insisted, still trying to push the other away verbally. He hid his face in Michael’s shoulder and hugged him tighter. He didn’t want Michael to get close to him. Because surely Michael would realise how messed up he was and leave, right? Just like everybody else. Or maybe he’d hurt him, just like-

“You’re right. I don’t have to do anything for you.” Michael hummed. For a minute, Jeremy felt disappointed. He wasn’t sure why. He didn’t want Michael to care about him. Why was he so disappointed that Michael thought he was right? Michael continued talking, though, unaware of Jeremy’s internal struggle. “But I want to, Jeremy. I want to do everything for you.”

Jeremy started crying as soon as Michael said that. He wasn’t used to people caring about him. He clutched onto Michael, his breaths coming in shaky. Michael rubbed his back, letting Jeremy cry onto his shoulder just like he said he would. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. Maybe Michael was different. Being cared about was weird and scary, but maybe Jeremy could handle it. Maybe he could let Michael get close. Maybe he wanted Michael to get close.

He pulled away, taking a sip of his tea and smiling shakily at Michael, tears still in his eyes. “T-Thank you, Michael..” he whispered, “...Thank you for c-caring about me.”

Michael just nodded, smiling warmly and wiping away Jeremy’s tears. “It’s no problem,” he said softly, picking up his own mug and drinking the remaining tea. “Do you wanna watch a movie? Are you hungry? Because I have Netflix and I can cook something. Mac n’ cheese sound good?”

Jeremy nodded and Michael handed him the remote before walking off to the kitchen. He was just across the room, and Jeremy could still see him from the corner of his eye as he scrolled through Netflix. He picked some shitty romcom that looked cute and leaned back on the couch as he waited for Michael.

He wasn’t really paying attention to the movie, instead, he was just spacing out and trying not to think too much. As far as Jeremy was concerned, thinking was bad. This was a fact he couldn’t stress enough. Thinking meant remembering, and if today was any proof, remembering was bad news.

It didn’t take too long for Michael to finish cooking and bring two bowls full of mac n’ cheese out to the living room with him. He handed one to Jeremy. The bowl was blue, just like the mug from earlier. Jeremy blinked and looked down at his bowl. It wasn’t boxed mac n’ cheese. It was homemade. Jeremy never had homemade mac n’ cheese before. 

He mumbled a soft thank you to Michael, before taking a bite of it. His face lit up immediately. He grinned, looking up at Michael. “T-This is one of the b-best things I’ve ever eaten,” he said honestly.

Michael laughed a bit, “It’s not that good, but thank you,” he chuckled. He smiled and looked down at Jeremy. He took a bite of his own food and turned to the TV, still glancing at Jeremy from time to time.

“No, seriously, I-I haven’t had anything this good in y-years,” Jeremy mumbled, starting to scarf it all down. He didn’t realize how hungry he was until now. It was to be expected, he hadn’t eaten all day. It wasn’t like he normally ate much to begin with anyway. Being hungry was pretty normal for him.

Michael raised a brow at that but didn’t comment. “There’s more in the kitchen if you want seconds,” he hummed. Jeremy nodded, quickly finishing his bowl and getting up to get another serving. When he came back, he sat a bit closer to Michael.

They spent the entire day like that. Watching shitty romcoms and sitting on the couch in comfortable silence. Eventually, Jeremy looked out the window and saw that it was dark. He pulled out his phone and checked the time. It was pretty late. He turned to Michael, “I s-should probably get going.”

Michael nodded, “Okay, I’ll give you a ride to your place,” he said, standing up. He stretched a bit once he was on his feet and took his keys off of the coffee table. Jeremy stood up too, pulling his coat on and adjusting it slightly. “What’s your address?” Michael looked at Jeremy expectantly.

Jeremy froze up, looking down at the floor. Address? What was he supposed to do, give Michael the address of the parking garage his car was in? He shook his head frantically, “N-No, actually, c-can I have a ride to the flower shop? I-I left something there-” He stammered, making up a quick lie on the spot.

“So we go to the flower shop and then your place?” Michael asked. He looked confused. Jeremy gulped and shook his head again.

“No, I-I only live a few blocks away from the f-flower shop so just... D-Drop me off there?” He looked up at Michael, hoping the other wouldn’t question his sudden nervousness. He didn’t want Michael to know he lived in his car. He had already worried Michael enough, and even if Michael cared about him he didn’t want to worry the other even more. 

Michael gave another simple nod, “Yeah, okay Jeremy. C’mon.” He grabbed his red hoodie and tugged it on, before walking over to his door and opening it for Jeremy. Jeremy followed the other, sighing in relief. He wasn’t about to let Michael drive him “home”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo its me again with another update >:00 Comments and kudos mean the world to me!!! Seriously!!!! Leave a comment, I'll owe you my life!!!!!!!! My tumblr is @awkwardsprinkles so hmu up there. Also the Earl Grey tea thing?? Yeah, thats from experience. Earl Grey is good but if you let it steep for too long its bitter in a bad way(tm) don't let it steep for longer than five minutes, and if you still think it's bitter add sugar and maybe milk?? I drink mine with sugar, honey, vanilla, and a bit of milk and its good shit.


	6. Morning Showers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A filler chapter? In my fanfic? It's more likely than you might think!! Hi in this chapter Jeremy washes his hair

Jeremy was in the back of the shop. His head was in the sink and water flowed over him and he ran his hands through his hair. He got a handful of soap and scrubbed it into his curls, shutting his eyes tight so that none of it would get in them. This was how he usually washed his hair. There wasn’t a shower in his car, so he had to make due. Like most things in his life, it wasn’t the best but it worked. 

The bell to the door rang, and Jeremy snapped his head up. A few wet locks fell in front of his eyes. “Jeremy?” a familiar voice called. Jeremy froze up, unsure what to do. Michael. Michael was probably wondering where he was. Jeremy was normally at the counter when Michael stopped by.

“I-I’m in the b-back!” Jeremy called to the other. He needed to rinse the soap out of his hair, but he was hesitant to do so now that Michael was here. He heard footsteps approaching the door to the back room. Jeremy’s breath caught in his throat and he quickly pushed his wet bangs out of his eyes. He opened his mouth, about to say something along the lines of “no, don’t come back here-” but quickly shut it when he saw Michael in the doorway. 

Jeremy felt like a kid getting caught stealing cookies. Like he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to, and Michael was about to tell him off for it. He took a step away from Michael. He wasn’t even sure why he felt this way. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was just washing his hair. Then again, the scene was probably a bit weird to Michael.

The back room itself was a bit of a mess. It was where they stored their flower shipments and custom ordered bouquets. It also had a microwave and coffee maker, where Jeremy had set up shop. There was a colony of empty cup ramen containers by them, and a pile of ones that Jeremy had yet to eat. Then there was Jeremy. Jeremy was standing by the sink they normally used to rinse out vases and clean flowers. The water was running and Jeremy’s shirt was tossed on the floor, his hair a damp mop on his head. Suds and bubbles were still visible in his hair. Since he was shirtless, it was very apparent how thin Jeremy was. His scars were also visible. Faint, but visible. He was scrawny and pale, and he wanted to shrink back and hide. 

“Jeremy?” Michael repeated, his voice soft. It wasn’t a call this time. It was a question. He took a step closer to Jeremy. He looked confused and concerned. 

Jeremy bit his lip and looked away, “H-Hey Michael..” he mumbled, covering himself up with his arms. He didn’t want Michael to see him like this. He didn’t want the other to see his body. He was gross. He was bony and weak, his skin was dry, he was an unhealthy shade of pale. He was disgusting. Surely, Michael was disgusted. 

“What’re you doing?” Michael asked, “What’s up with the uh..” he made a vague gesture towards his own hair. Jeremy gulped, swallowing down his pride. Not that he had much pride. He just didn't want to admit this. But there was no way to lie about this. He was backed into a corner.

“I’m um.. I-I’m washing my hair..” He answered, staring down at his feet. His left shoe was untied. He focused on that instead of looking at Michael. He missed the way Michael frowned and furrowed his brows. Jeremy shrugged awkwardly and tilted his head towards the sink. “I-I’m gonna rinse the s-soap out now.”

Michael watched as Jeremy turned back to the sink and stuck his head under the running water. Jeremy watched as the bubbles flowed out into the sink and down the drain. He went back to running his fingers through his hair, helping the soap out. Once it was all rinsed out he reached under the sink and grabbed a light blue towel. He had bought it himself since he washed his hair here so often. Jeremy held it for a second, before starting to dry his hair off. He scrubbed at his head, his hands moving in small circles. He was trying to dry it as fast as he could. Once it wasn’t dripping he wrapped the towel around his hair for a bit, before draping it over his shoulders. 

Jeremy knelt down and grabbed his shirt off of the floor, pulling it on. He got his head stuck for a few seconds but managed to get it on with little to no struggle. He wasn’t sure what to say to Michael, so he kept looking away and biting his lip. After a bit of seemingly tense and awkward silence, Michael spoke up. “Why are you washing your hair in the sink here?”

Jeremy tried his best to think of a lie, but he couldn’t. This wasn’t something he could lie his way out of. There aren’t many reasons to wash your hair in the back room at your job. “I j-just do, I guess..” he mumbled.

Michael stepped even closer to Jeremy. He pushed his glasses up and sighed. “You know, you really shouldn’t. That’s not good,” he said, as if Jeremy didn’t know that. Jeremy was well aware that it wasn’t good. But he didn’t have any better options.

He just chuckled nervously, shifting his weight around, “Y-Yeah, well, y-you’re not gonna like it when I tell you I do my l-laundry in here too…” Jeremy trailed off. He tried to make it sound light-hearted, maybe funny. If he played it off like a dry joke he might earn a chuckle in reply.

Turns out, Jeremy didn’t sound light-hearted. Just sad and tired. Which he was. Michael gave him a small smile. “You can always take a shower and do laundry at my place,” Michael offered, before adding “You won’t get in the way of anything, I like having you there.”

Jeremy didn’t even protest. He was used to Michael’s kindness and even a little resigned to it. He was just glad Michael didn’t question why he was doing this. He sighed in relief, before smiling back at Michael and finally looking at him again. He brushed his bangs out of his hair and started walking back to the front of the store, motioning for Michael to follow.

He grabbed his cardigan and shrugged it on, sitting down on his stool. Michael leaned on the counter. They chatted idly for a bit, acting like nothing had happened. Like Jeremy hadn’t just washed his hair in the sink. Out of nowhere, Michael jumped up a bit. His glasses slipped down a bit at the action. He chuckled and pushed them back up, reaching for his backpack.

“I brought you something,” He grinned, digging around in the bag, “I guess I brought us both something, but there’s some for you.” he pulled out a lunchbox, and then out of that, he pulled two sandwiches and two cans of Pepsi. He passed half of it all to Jeremy. “I brought you some lunch.”

Jeremy smiled, quickly unwrapping his sandwich. This was the third time now that Michael had fed him. “Thank you dude,” he mumbled, before taking a bite. It was good. Ham, cheese, bacon, and cucumber. Not something Jeremy would have made, but it was good. 

He wondered, briefly, how Michael could manage to see through him so easily. Michael had picked up on a lot of things most people didn’t. He knew that Jeremy didn’t want to talk about feelings, but he still assured Jeremy that he wasn’t getting in the way and that he was good and okay and allowed to feel. It was like he knew what Jeremy needed to hear and exactly how to say it. Like he knew what a trainwreck Jeremy was. Michael knew when to back off and not question things. He knew all the little gestures that lit up Jeremy’s world. Michael brought food, too. It was like he knew that Jeremy was starving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof.. I swear the next chapter will be more interesting!! My tumblr is @awkwardsprinkles so hmu there blease!! Comments make my day, so leave one (I wonder if people would leave them more if I actually replied? I just... don't know what to say...... ever....) Also I kind of want to do a chapter or two from Michael's perspective?? But I feel like that'd be weird since this is so Jeremy-centric idk idk.


	7. Enter Sean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oof

_ Junior Year. Jeremy was alone. No friends, no mom, and he might as well have no dad. He was an awkward stammering mess who nobody liked. The school loser. He felt like a weed in a garden. It was a feeling he had felt his whole life, but even more so in high school. Because that’s exactly what he was. A weed. Everybody was way cooler than him. Way better than him.  _

_ He was eating lunch in the bathroom again, sitting down on the floor between the sink and the wall. It was where he usually ate. It was quiet. He liked it that way. Nobody else was in the bathroom, so he was alone and he could be himself for once. He read books on botany as he ate. Maybe when he was away from everybody else, he was his own kind of garden. A weed in the middle of dirt is beautiful. A weed among flowers is getting in the way. It’s all about your surroundings, Jeremy thought. _

_ The cold blue tile of the bathroom was oddly comforting to Jeremy. Even if it was dirty and grimy and smelled like piss. He stuck his plastic fork in his mashed potatoes, taking a bite before spitting it out. Gross. How was this stuff supposed to be edible? It tasted like gritty and dirty water. Jeremy sighed and got up. He just wasn’t going to eat lunch today. He started walking out of the bathroom, still glaring angrily at the stupid inedible potatoes.  _

_ Jeremy stumbled a bit, somehow managing to trip on nothing and run into a guy. Potatoes. Shitty, disgusting potatoes. They were all over the other guy now. Jeremy waved his hands in apology, stammering out ‘sorry’s and ‘please don’t hit me’s. He was on the verge of tears. Mostly from anxiety, but also because of who he’d run into. _

_ Sean Morrison. Jeremy stepped back and looked at them. He gulped. Sean had black hair, naturally curly but slicked back. It stayed put and sleek in a way Jeremy’s hair could never manage to do. They wore clothes that were mostly black, save for the blue accents on their jacket and shoes and their blue shirt. Black and blue. Like bruises. Their nose and chin were pointed. Their skin was pale, almost blue, but in an oddly attractive way. A way that Jeremy couldn’t manage. Jeremy’s skin pale to a point that looked sickening and gross. Sean’s eyebrows were thick and their eyes were cold, calculating, and a haunting shade of blue. They eyed Jeremy up and down. _

_ “It’s fine, quit apologizing. One sorry works better than one hundred.” They muttered. Sean smirked a bit when Jeremy immediately stopped his rambling. Jeremy didn’t notice, though. He was too busy staring at his shoes. They were messier than Sean’s. His right shoe was untied. Sean’s shoes were nice, some brand that Jeremy never heard of, and the blue laces looked like wires. Sean sighed, looking down at the mess on their shirt. They frowned. “Jeremy Heere,” they started, looking at the other. _

_ Jeremy immediately looked up at Sean with wide eyes. He gulped. They knew his name? Why were they saying it like that? Jeremy gave a stiff nod in reply, hunching down nervously but not daring to look away. Something about the voice Sean used when they said his name, made him feel like he had to look and listen. Even if it made him uncomfortable. Sean had an odd aura of authority.  _

_ “I need to change my shirt because of you.” They said firmly, and Jeremy started to shrink back. “I am going to change into my gym shirt. You are going to come with me. Your clumsiness is going to inconvenience both of us. You will put your tray up and then follow me to the locker room, alright?” They said the last bit softer, almost like it was a suggestion and not a command. Jeremy knew better. _

_ Jeremy gave another stiff and awkward nod, hunching down even lower, finally looking away. Not at his shoes though, no, those were another reminder of how much Better Sean was than him. He stared at his tray. Not angrily, like how he was staring at his potatoes earlier. He stared at it in the same way a kicked puppy looked at the ground. Like he was too ashamed to look up. He turned to walk out of the bathroom and Sean trailed behind him. The feeling of Sean behind him was weird. It was like he was being watched, judged. He tried his best not to stumble because of it. _

_ And for once, that wasn’t just Jeremy’s anxiety. Sean was watching him. Sean was judging him. Jeremy dumped his tray with shaky hands, and set it down in the pile with the others. He stared at his hands now, still not his shoes. He’d have to buy new ones. Maybe the brand Sean was wearing. What brand were they again? _

_ Sean still followed him as the two of them made their way to the locker room. Jeremy didn’t like having Sean follow him. It made him uncomfortable. But at the same time, it was nice. Jeremy was a follower. He didn’t lead anything. But here he was, leading the way for Sean. Sean was one of the most popular kids in school. They were a natural born leader, they took charge and ordered people around. They made people listen. But here they were, following Jeremy.  _

_ Jeremy stepped aside awkwardly to make room for Sean so that they could open their locker. They took their time as they opened the red lock to their red locker. Like roses, Jeremy thought idly. Sean was gliding their hand through a bouquet of red roses, opening it up and pulling out a blue one somehow. They pulled their shirt off and Jeremy looked away, also a red rose. Sean was attractive with a shirt on. Jeremy did not want to think about what they would look like without a shirt. He already had enough to be insecure about.  _

_ They pulled on their gym shirt, which was black with a blue battery on it. A shirt like that would look geeky and dorky on Jeremy, but Sean somehow pulled it off in a way that made them look absolutely electric. They looked up at Jeremy and eyed him up and down again. They did it in a way that made Jeremy want to cover himself up and cower in the corner. But he stayed put. “Quit slouching, straighten your back and puff out your chest, look at me.” They ordered, smirking as Jeremy immediatly complied.  _

_ It felt awkward and wrong, but Jeremy looked up at Sean, fearful. Sean smiled coldly. To Jeremy, it looked warm. “You almost look cute like that. Maybe even hot.” Sean commented in a matter of fact way. Almost like they didn’t care. That did things to Jeremy. He looked down at his hands. He wasn’t fearful anymore. No, he was flustered. “What did I say, Jeremy? Eyes on me.” Sean reminded and Jeremy obeyed, looking back up at Sean. His whole face was red. Roses were blossoming on his face. He chuckled nervously. _

_ “T-Thank you, Sean..” Jeremy mumbled, not shrinking away when Sean stepped closer. He didn’t want to this time. His heart was beating fast and he wasn’t sure why. Sean brushed Jeremy’s hair out of his face, looking him in the eyes as they did so. How they managed to make eye contact without getting nervous or wanting to cry, Jeremy didn’t understand. He bit his lip when Sean pulled their hand away. He wanted it back.  _

_ “You still need some work though. The stutter is annoying, the nerdiness gets in the way. You’d be better without both of those things, not to mention-” they made a vague gesture, “-everything else.” Jeremy was no longer flustered. His face was hot with shame again and he felt like he was going to cry. His heart felt like it stopped and shattered. That was everything about him. Was he really that terrible? He knew he was bad, but he didn’t know just how bad he was. Sean was speaking the truth, though. After all, Sean knew much better than Jeremy. They were just stating facts. Facts that everybody including Jeremy knew. “Looking at you makes me want to die..” They mumbled like it wasn’t meant for Jeremy to hear. _

_ It was, though, and Jeremy heard it. That was it. That comment made him feel the worst. Sean had called him cute earlier. Why was he calling him awful now? He didn’t know. The contrast between compliments and criticism made his head spin. Jeremy started to tear up. “Jesus Christ..” he mumbled, briefly looking down at himself. He looked back up at Sean. He was a fast learner. He knew better than to take his eyes off Sean by now. Sean chuckled at his reaction. A tear slipped down his cheek at the sound. _

_ “You’re not hopeless though, Jeremy. I can help you out if you want.” Sean grinned wickedly as they said it, but Jeremy mistook it for happiness. Happiness to help him. It made his heart flutter again and he blushed. Jeremy smiled. He was already broken. He already hated himself. He was already willing to accept that offer, and what Sean had said earlier only made him want to accept more. This was his way out. He wiped his tears away. Somebody as cool as Sean was willing to help him out. That had to mean something, right? Jeremy was hopeful. Sean leaned close and held a hand out. “What do you say, Jer?” they hummed, their voice soft and smooth. Far softer and smoother than any tone they’d used yet. It was like honey or sugar. Icing on a cake. Ice on a burn. A band-aid on a wound. _

_ Jeremy blushed at the nickname and nodded eagerly. It wasn’t often that somebody as terrible as him got a chance to change. Maybe Sean could make him a flower among flowers. He took their hand and shook it lightly, feeling something. Something different. Something he’d never felt before. Almost like a shock or a mild current. It went through his body, making him blush again. It felt weird. It drenched his senses, and all he could think about was it and Sean. He wasn’t sure whether it was fertilizer or herbicide. He liked it, he thought.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys dont mind flashbacks haha, bc I'm gonna start adding flashback chapters. After weighing all the ways I could go about things I think its the best? Anyway!! Comments and kudos are appreciated as always, I'm a slut for attention ngl.. to the person who noticed a grammar mistake I didn't: thanks man, I suppose thats how life is on this bitch of an earth. Your write your fic at 3am and you're bound to do that. I'll fix it when I get the chance. To the person who made that super long comment: I love you. Anyway here's the first actual appearance of Sean! They get worse, trust me. Also my fic has reached over 10000 words which is insane bc I normally give up on things 3000-7000 words in! I'm proud of myself. My tumblr is @awkwardsprinkles so hmu, over and out boys.


	8. Rainy days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It rains i dunno man

Jeremy had woken up late, in tears. He had another nightmare. He didn’t remember much of this one, though. Just bits and pieces. Something about shirts and handshakes. But it was enough to make him cry. And by the time he had calmed down, it was well past opening time. Hopefully, Michael wasn’t there yet.

He ran out of the parking garage and let out a frustrated groan that broke off into a pathetic sigh. It was raining. Great. The sky was a dull grey and Jeremy watched idly as drops fell onto the pavement. It had clearly been raining for awhile. The large puddles scattered about were proof of that. He trudged on, resigning himself to the fact that he’d have wet hair and clothes for a while.

At least the flower shop wasn’t too far. It was a fifteen-minute walk at most. Jeremy pulled his coat on tightly, shivering. It was cold. The rain only made that worse. He wished he had an umbrella.

He stared down at his feet as he walked, watching as his shoes and jeans started to get wet. Every raindrop left a dark spot against the fabric. It felt like ice against his skin. The streets were pretty empty so he didn’t have to worry about running into anyone, and Jeremy was thankful for that. Nobody wanted to walk in freezing rain. Jeremy didn’t even want to.

The rain started picking up and Jeremy frowned even more, looking up at the sky and cursing quietly under his breath. By the time he was two blocks away from the flower shop, it was pouring, and Jeremy was running. He sacrificed some warmth for shelter, and took his coat off, holding the dark grey fabric over his head to try and keep the rain off of him.

Water was funny in that way. Flowers needed it, but too much of it was harmful. There was a fine line between watered and drowning. Jeremy felt like he was close to drowning, shuddering and squinting his eyes to keep the rain out of them.

He walked up to the door of the shop and struggled with the door for a bit. It was hard to unlock it. He was already busy holding a coat over his head and shivering. He furrowed his brows, sighing again. He was close to giving up and waiting for the rain to stop. It was too cold to deal with this.

He jumped suddenly when an umbrella was put over his head. He turned to the side and blinked, looking up. “M-Michael..?” he said softly. It was a bit hard to see because of the rain. Michael nodded and chuckled.

“Do you need any help with the door, Jeremy?” Michael asked, tilting his head to the side. He took Jeremy’s silence as a yes, and handed him his umbrella. “Here, hold this, you look like you need it.. Can you hand me the key?”

Jeremy hesitated, but nodded, handing Michael the key to the shop. Michael opened the door in a matter of seconds. He wasn’t burdened by shivering or shaking, or by a wet and heavy coat. Jeremy quickly walked into the shop, closing Michael’s umbrella and shaking it off as he did so. He looked up at the other, and Michael shot him a smile.

Michael walked in too, shutting the door behind himself and handing Jeremy the key. Jeremy put it in his cardigan pocket. Once Michael flicked the lights on, he eyed Jeremy up and down, then frowned. “Dude, you look freezing..” he mumbled, taking a step forward and running a hand through his hair. Unlike Jeremy, Michael was mostly dry. He was smart enough to own an umbrella. “Here, take your shirt off and uh..” he paused to pull his red hoodie off, leaving him in only his black and grey patterned shirt. He held his hoodie out to Jeremy, “Put this on.”

Jeremy paused, before shaking his head. He took a step back. “No, I uh.. I-I don’t want to take your hoodie, y-you’d be cold and uh..” he bit his lip and looked down at his feet. His jeans and shoes were soaked now. So was his shirt. So was his cardigan. There wasn’t really a point in not accepting Michael’s hoodie. Jeremy could use some dry clothes. But still, he didn’t want to take it from Michael. He’d feel bad. “.. y-yeah, keep your hoodie, M-Michael..”

Michael took a step forward again, still holding his hoodie. He looked at Jeremy with concerned eyes. It made Jeremy want to run away. Even if he was okay with Michael caring about him, he still felt weird about the concern. The compassion he could handle. Concern? Not yet. “Look, I know you’re like.. Insecure about your body but..” Jeremy blinked. How did Michael know that? Was it that obvious? “If you stay in those wet clothes, you’ll just end up sick and miserable. I’m fine in my shirt, trust me, I’m a warm person.”

Jeremy nodded, reaching a handout and taking Michael’s hoodie. He was all out of arguments. He knew that Michael would let him sit around in cold wet clothes if he really wanted to, but Jeremy didn’t want to. And Michael didn’t want him too. He fumbled with the fabric before setting it down on the counter. He let out a shaky breath, still shivering, before shucking himself of his soaked cardigan and slipping his shirt off. He pulled Michael’s hoodie onto himself and couldn’t help but smile softly. It was nice and warm.

“T-Thanks..” Jeremy mumbled, balling the sleeves up in his hands and staring down at them. The hoodie was too big for him. It went down to about mid-thigh and slipped off of one of his shoulders. It was way warmer than any of Jeremy’s coats ever managed to get. Michael was right. He was a warm person. The warmth was nice, but it was also all soft and fluffy inside and it felt nice against Jeremy’s skin. He had stopped shivering now. He was so caught up in staring down at the fabric in his hands as he fiddled and fidgeted with it absentmindedly, that he didn’t see Michael’s face.

Michael was blushing, trying not to stare for too long. He took his glasses off and wiped them clean before grinning, “It’s no problem Jeremy,” he hummed, “I can go in the back and make you some coffee if you want?” he offered. Jeremy nodded, moving to go sit on his stool.   
He watched as Michael walked off into the back room, no longer insecure about what a mess it was back there. He leaned forward onto the counter and shut his eyes, letting himself relax. His jeans and shoes were still soaked. It was early in the morning on a Wednesday, so there weren’t going to be any customers for a while. There would be even less since it was raining. Jeremy pulled his pants and shoes off, along with his ladybug socks, and put them in a pile under the counter. That left him in his perfectly dry floral boxers and Michael’s hoodie. He pushed himself up off the counter and went up to the front door, locking it and turning to sign to say ‘closed’. He’d open later after his pants were dry. He sat back down at the counter, waiting patiently for Michael, humming to himself.

Michael came back in, two mugs in hand. He handed one to Jeremy. “I wasn’t sure how you like your coffee, so I just added like.. An average amount of cream and sugar? If you don’t like it, I can make more..” he said quietly, leaning on the counter like usual. He was still blushing, and the fact that Jeremy wasn’t wearing pants wasn’t helping, but he didn’t question the other.

Jeremy took the cup from Michael, smiling and taking a sip. He let out a sigh. This one was content, though. It was relaxed. Unlike all his earlier sighs which were annoyed and upset. “It’s p-perfect, thank you..” he mumbled, continuing to drink his coffee. The coffee maker in the back didn’t get too hot, so he didn’t have to wait.

Michael nodded, before grabbing his backpack. He grinned, “I brought you some lunch again! It’s a little early, but I’m hungry. Wanna go ahead and dig in?” he said as he pulled out his lunch box.

Jeremy’s face lit up a bit, glad Michael brought food. He was hungry too. Did Michael know that already? “Of c-course!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all been a fuck while hasn't it buckaroos? Hope you liked the chapter!! As always, comments and kudos are my reason to live. Leave them if you like! My tumblr is @awkwardsprinkles, see you space cowboy! Over and out.


	9. Needing Sean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean is a piece of shit, okay? Tw for some shitty stuff. Manipulation, I guess, and brief (like, very brief) mentions of picking and peeling at skin. Sean dude. What an asshole. Oh, this is another flashback btw.

_Months passed since Jeremy's first interaction with Sean. Days came and went, trips to the mall all blurred together. He didn't feel like himself anymore. But he couldn't bring himself to care. This was great, after all. Right? It was great, wasn't it?_

_Jeremy was cool now. Or, chill, like everybody else said. With Sean's help, he was finally something. They helped Jeremy out with everything. They warped and changed Jeremy into something next to perfect. And it was perfect. Sure, Sean could be a bit harsh from time to time, but that was fine. They were just helping Jeremy._

_Or, at least, that's how Jeremy liked to justify it all to himself. In just a few months, Sean managed to have more control over Jeremy than Jeremy had over himself. It was sickening, almost. They told Jeremy what to wear_ , _when to eat, how to act. Jeremy listened._

_Sean would come over on Saturdays and pick out all of Jeremy's outfits for the week. Jeremy would wear them without complaining. Sean told Jeremy to skip breakfast and dinner. Jeremy did, and all he ate most days was school lunch and whatever snacks Sean brought him._

_Jeremy was at least somewhat to blame, though. Or, he thought he was, anyway. Sure, Sean had a sickening amount of control over him. But there was more to it than that. Jeremy had grown disgustingly dependant on the other. He needed Sean for everything. He didn't want to pick out outfits without Sean, afraid he'd pick out something bad. He didn't want to eat without Sean anymore. If he tried, he felt like he would puke. Sean was, sadly, his best friend. Jeremy followed them blindly._

_But that was alright. Jeremy didn't mind. He ignored the little voice inside of him that hated this all. There was a part of him that hated Sean. Part of him wanted to cry and scream out for help, it wanted to pick its own clothes and eat all the food in his house, it wanted to peel his skin off and yell at Sean, it wanted to scratch him until his skin was ugly and bleeding. But he ignored it. He swept it under a rug._

_Instead, he listened to the other part of himself. The part that was head over heels for Sean, and wanted to do everything they said. It made everything easier, and he loved it. It was gross how in love he was. Sure, it was a twisted and wrong definition of love, but he couldn't help it._

_Sean seemed to pick up on it. They didn't seem to mind. They seemed fond of it, actually. Amused by it, even._

_It was a typical Saturday. Sean was over, digging through Jeremy's closet, sighing. "Jer, we're going to have to go to the mall again, I swear," they muttered, before holding up a Star Trek shirt, "Really? Jeremy, what is this?" their tone was scolding, bordering on threatening._

_Jeremy fumbled with his hands from where he sat on the bed. He hated when Sean used his full name. They only used it when they were mad. He looked at Sean and then at the shirt, "I uh... it's a shirt..?" he mumbled, shrugging._

_Sean tsked. Jeremy sighed. He gave the wrong answer. "Jer, I told you to throw out all your geeky shirts like this. They are stupid and ugly. You do not need them." They tossed it across the room and into the trashcan before stepping across the room and looming over Jeremy. "I'm all you need, okay Jer? You understand that, right?"_

_Jeremy blushed at the closeness, barely registering the dangerous glint in Sean's eyes. He nodded. "Y-Yes, Sean, I understand. You're all_ _I n-need," he confirmed._

_Sean sighed, raising a hand up and cupping Jeremy's cheek. Jeremy leaned into the touch. "I told you not to stutter, Jer. Your stutter is annoying. Nobody likes it. You are lucky I can put up with it." Their grip on his face turned bruising, and Jeremy winced. He couldn't bring himself to pull away, though. The touch, although minimal, was intoxicating._

_"I'm sorry Sean, I'm trying my best, I won't stutter again I promise-" Jeremy cut himself off with a relieved sigh as Sean loosed their grip and brushed his thumb over Jeremy's cheek. They chuckled when Jeremy shuddered._

_"I want to try something, Jer. Let's try something," Sean grinned wickedly, leaning forward even more, "It's a game. I am going to say something, and then you are going to repeat it back. When you repeat it back, you are going to make sure you think it too. You'll say it over and over again in your head." They paused, "If you're good, I'll give you a reward."_

_Jeremy nodded his face heating up even more. He smiled softly when he heard 'reward'. He wondered what it was. "Okay,_ _Sean.." he whispered._

_Sean smiled, "Alright, let's start.." They trailed off and had Jeremy repeat a bunch of phrases, which Jeremy let cloud his thoughts. It started simple, and like most things, it slowly turned into something less simple and more sinister. Jeremy said things like 'Everything about me is terrible', 'Without you, I'm nothing', 'You're all I need', 'You're my everything' and he was in so deep, that he didn't even question it. He already thought these things, anyway. Sean was everything he needed._

_When it was over, Sean ruffled his hair and Jeremy's face lit up. "Good boy, Jer.." they praised, their tone soft and sweet again. Jeremy felt his breath hitch and his breathing pick up. His whole face went red._

_Without even thinking, he mumbled out a soft, "I love you." and tilted his head up into Sean's touch. Sean smirked._

_"I know," they said simply, "You did a good job, so I'll give you your reward.." they leaned forward and pressed their lips against Jeremy's kissing him gently. Jeremy squeaked, his eyes fluttering shut before he kissed back. This was great, he thought. This was everything he wanted, he thought. Sean's tongue swiped across Jeremy's lower lip and they pulled away. "Jer, do you want to be mine?"_

_Jeremy nodded eagerly, "Of course, I love you so much, I need you, I'd love to be yours-" he rambled. Sean cut him off with another, more dominating kiss. Just like usual, Jeremy ignored the voice inside of him that said this was wrong._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for taking so long to update! Finals kicked my ass, but they're finally done. Please leave a comment or a kudos or something, it makes my day! My tumblr is @awkwardsprinkles, hmu pals!


	10. Packed Lunches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow some lads eat and Jeremy is like "yikes ptsd!!!" but then he calms down and is like ":) michael"

Lunches became routine. Michael would pack enough for the two of them, and they’d eat together at the counter. Sometimes, if the weather was nice enough, Jeremy would close the shop for lunch and they’d go to the park. Jeremy liked it when they did that. Sure, being outside and in public made him nervous but.. He had Michael, so he was fine. 

It was a day like any other, Jeremy was sitting in his usual spot at the counter as he arranged a bouquet for a customer. Wedding flowers. The thought brought a smile to Jeremy’s face. Two lucky people were going to be in love. Hopefully it was good love.

The bell chimed, and Jeremy didn’t flinch. The sound didn’t bother him or scare him anymore. In fact, it made him happy. It usually meant Michael was there. He liked when Michael visited. 

Looking up from his flowers, Jeremy grinned. “Hey Michael,” he said softly, his stutter absent for once. Michael waved back and walked up, backpack in hand.

“I hope you don’t mind if we eat early, dude, I’m starving. I forgot to have breakfast this morning, I’ve been hungry all day,” Michael explained, flopping onto the counter dramatically with a dopey smile on his face. He pushed his glasses up, the thick frames reflecting a bit of light. 

Jeremy let out a light chuckle and nodded, humming. “Yeah, s-sure.. I’m hungry too..” he mumbled, looking down at the other. Before he thought about what he was doing, he reached a hand out and brushed a few strands of hair out of Michael’s face. Then he froze. Jeremy felt his face go red and his eyes went wide. “I-I’m sorry-” he squeaked out, a bit flustered. He shouldn’t have done that. He probably made Michael uncomfortable.

But Michael, whose face was just as red, just laughed and waved his hand. “It’s fine Jeremy, don’t worry. It was fine. Thanks for moving my hair, I’m too lazy to do that myself half of the time-” he put a hand on his forehead, mimicking his hair with his fingers, “-I usually just let it dangle in front of my eyes like this.” he snickered and moved his hand, reaching for his bag and biting his lip.

Almost anybody could tell that Michael was overcompensating-- trying to act like he wasn’t flustered to the point where he seemed even more flustered. But Jeremy didn’t notice. So, he just gave a stiff nod and muttered a shaky “O-Okay..”.

Michael was quick to distract both of them, unzipping his backpack and pulling out his lunchbox. He handed a bagged sandwich to Jeremy, along with a small bag of chips. “Now, I know I usually bring pepsi but I was out of it soo..” Michael trailed off and dug around, searching for something. Then he pulled out two cans, tossing one to Jeremy. “I brought Mountain Dew.” 

Jeremy looked down at the green can. His face went pale. The blush from earlier was gone, and so was the lovesick expression. Instead, he just looked plain sick. Sick and scared, actually. He was shaking a bit, tuning out Michael’s rambling about Pepsi Cola and how Mountain Dew was owned by them, so it was technically Pepsi. Jeremy didn’t care about that. He felt bad for not listening or caring, but he could barely register the other’s presence. He went to grab the can, clutching onto it nervously. Could he manage to drink this without throwing up? He moved to open it, before sucking in a deep breath and freezing up. No. He couldn’t even open it without feeling like he was about to vomit.

“I’m uh.. I-I’m allergic to Mountain Dew,” Jeremy lied, setting the can down on the counter and interrupting Michael’s rambling. “So, I can’t d-drink it. Because I’m allergic.” He looked away from the soda, fidgeting a bit.

It was kind of true. In a way. Sure, Jeremy wasn’t actually allergic to Mountain Dew, but it was a pretty big trigger for him. Sean used to drink it all the time. And, on a few occasions, he drugged it and made Jeremy drink it. The soda brought back bad memories. Whenever Jeremy saw it, all he could think about Sean and what a shit time that whole ordeal was. Jeremy hated being reminded of it. It wasn’t just a small reminder, though. At times it would cause Jeremy to have full blown panic attacks. 

He always felt kind of bad about it. Mountain Dew was just a soda, afterall. That was a really weird trigger to have. It wasn’t like Mountain Dew was a poison or some kind of evil substance. It was just something his ex drank a lot. It’s not like Jeremy could control what did and didn’t trigger him, though. It wasn’t his fault Mountain Dew made him so nervous.

Michael blinked, raising a brow. “You’re allergic to Mountain Dew?” he asked. Jeremy gave a meek nod, still trying to fight off a panic attack. Michael nodded and smiled a bit, taking the can off of the counter. “That’s chill, man, no worries. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind next time.” Jeremy let out a shaky breath as he mirrored Michael’s nod.

“T-Thanks for understanding,” he mumbled, taking his sandwich out of his bag and starting to wordlessly eat it. He didn’t feel like talking right now. He needed to calm down first. Jeremy knew that Michael was used to him having panic attacks all the time over seemingly nothing. That didn’t mean he wasn’t scared Michael would judge him or think it was weird.

Michael started to eat too, but Jeremy didn’t notice how the other put away both cans of Mountain Dew. Almost like Michael noticed they were making Jeremy distressed, but didn’t ask.

They sat like that for awhile, eating their lunches in silence as Jeremy calmed down. Eventually, though, Michael pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time. He frowned and bit his lip. “Hey, I’m really sorry Jeremy, but I gotta blast. I have class in a bit,” he said, holding his phone up and showing Jeremy the time.

Jeremy nodded. “Don’t be sorry, i-it’s fine. I’ll see you around, Michael,” he said, his breathing far more even then it was earlier, “good luck in class.” he flashed Michael a small smile. He had calmed down pretty quickly, and seemed almost relaxed. 

Michael grinned back, “Yeah, I’ll see you around too, dude!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry fucking christmas y'all, be you weren't expecting this update!! I might write more but jfdhkfdjs i got a really nice comment and felt like writing more bc of it!!! I don't care about bmc much anymore, but I still like this fic a lot, hope yall do to

**Author's Note:**

> Well here it is! the first chapter in another multichapter fic I might never finish, but am still pretty pumped for. I'm experimenting with my writing style a lot, so I'd love some feedback!!! Please comment, I'll owe you my life, kudos make my day!! My tumblr is @awkwardsprinkles, so hmu or some shit, hope you liked this!! Also most of my flower meanings come from http://www.languageofflowers.com/flowermeaning.html, and lets just assume that Jeremy has access to every flower ever all the time because that's convenient


End file.
